counting the days.

I was in a congregation of about 100 people. It was a session where people just raise their hands and speak whatever they wanted. I felt anxious and at the same time, angsty too. As I listened to them, I feel like I need to speak out too.

And so I raised my hand and was granted the wish to speak. Cleared my throat a little, and started voicing something..And I swore. I don't swear in my life, but if I did, I probably don't say it out loud, I tell it to myself in my heart. But out of the norm, in front of so many people, I swore.

I remember seeing their facial expressions upon hearing what came out of me. I am short, and is normally reserved in a large crowd. That scared me a little. But it took me little time to realize that I said something really wrong. I showed no respect and manners. I was literally waiting to be disciplined because I know how my family is against foul languages, and this time I did it in front of so many people, I know Im in big trouble.

And so, I figured out a hundred ways to apologize, to say that I didn't mean to swear. But they didn't seem to work out because none of them is perfect enough to let them understand my situation. Then one thing surprised me, my parents didn't say anything, at all... Instead I see their supportive faces reassuring me that it is okay.

What is wrong?

All kinds of emotions started building up in within me, fear mostly, and regrets.

I wanted to say something but I couldn't. Then I lost memory.

Hours after that, it came back into my memory. I thought about it and wondered if I really swore so badly in front of so many people.

Until i realized, it was all only a dream. So surreal, so terrifying!

But above all, I thank God that it wasn't real. I can't stand the shame and regrets!