counting the days.

I have to deal with anger issues sometimes
and I know that I sin
and sometimes I swear in my mind
I talk bad things about people
but you know what

I dont know when that started
but it started because of curiosity
i dont want to elaborate about this anymore
I am so mad at myself for even letting this happen

So yeah people
Hannah is not perfect
She did things that she's not supposed to do
and
she did not try to stop herself
and she let satan took control of her
and
she fell
but she was forgiven.
And
she did everything
all over again.

You ask me why?
i can only say
I dont know
I am a human
I sin.
but that is not an excuse

I am not holy
I did not live a holy life
I need salvation over and over again
I disappoint my heavenly Father
over and over again

I need forgiveness
and also repentance
I need to know You
PERSONALLY
and feel You
PERSONALLY

I want to tell you
I live in a beautiful Christian family
but as I say
everyone needs to know Him personally
to get total salvation
otherwise
it will mean nothing but
hypocrisy
and also the continuation of
Sin.

There is no such thing as
a BIG sin
or a small sin
a sin is a sin
in God's eye

Oh lord,
please reveal yourself to me
I need you more than anything
and I know that one day when I die
I want to go to heaven

I read a testimony from my friend
she said that she used to like talking about Christian stuffs
because it just seemed so right
and holy to do that
It hit me
I did that too

And she offered her solution
she seek God
and told Him that she doesnt understand him
" Seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be open..."
it is stated clearly in the Bible
and now she is born again
I wish i can do the same thing too
But i am not strong enough
that is one thing I am sure of

Hannah needs help.
=(