counting the days.

What should I do with my life? I want to get in a serious relationship,

with God.

I want to wake up every morning feeling that there's hope, not just to drag myself up for college.

There's so many things that I want to do:

1. Go on a mission trip.

2. Pray with other prayer warriors for a whole day.

3. Get a high TER score. Like more than 95.

4. Study a course that God wants me to.

5. Start my job as God's servant. ( I still don't know what I should do!)

6. Finish Ausmat asap. It's killing me. (All the sweat and hard work!)

7. Not be shy of my believes. (Especially when I meet people who are "Godly", because they always "press" me down and make me feel worthless)

Basically it's about me worrying about my future. I need to know what I should do now, not 20 or 30 years later, when I'm almost in the coffin already :S

That's why, scholarships don't sound like a big deal anymore. Especially when I'm so lost. I'm pressured when adults ask me what will I be doing next, because I always end up with a guilty-smile and "I don't know"..The looks on their face, how can I describe it..

"what do you mean you don't know? you are almost done with Pre-U already right...",

"You seriously have no idea at all..?",

"*shocked look*",

"What are you interested in doing?",

What can I say? I obviously have my interest, but what can I say if that is not what God wants me to do? I can't tell them that, because it would be so rude!

So instead, I keep quiet and smile again, or make up some stories to pass the question.

Being so lost is the feeling that I dread the most. That is why, I need guidance and I need to hear from you, oh God.

What should I do with my life?